champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
