idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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