Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
