Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
