shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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