Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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