When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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