u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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