FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
