Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
