i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
