Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
