the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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