I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
