My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
