I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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