you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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