This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
