no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
