Betty ford says i'm here all night
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
