I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
