I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
