This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
