I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
