in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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