Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
