Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
