Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
