I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
