cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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