what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm too high and old for this...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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