And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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