That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
