Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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