I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
