Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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