I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
