i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Pants are for mortals
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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