Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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