And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
