I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
