I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
