My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
