so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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