Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
