I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
