just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
