hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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