Three words: puerto rican gang bang
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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