If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
