the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
