What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
