Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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