My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
