Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my shit smells like andre
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
