Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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