those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
