I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
