why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
