I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
