Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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