this beer tastes like vomit already
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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