Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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