My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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