11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
