The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
50% drunk capacity currently
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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