He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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