I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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