i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
