So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
