Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
