I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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